


ReACT

by incredibleflan



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, miku's too sad rn, references to acute, the lenku is kinda one sided on lens part
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-25 09:06:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15637569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incredibleflan/pseuds/incredibleflan
Summary: What was she now, all alone in the world? Floating through the white hallways of the hospital, the girl finds nothing on her path, wandering aimlessly. Until she made it to the roof. Who was this stubborn blonde boy trying to pry into her business? Why does he keep coming to visit her? And the look in his cousin's eyes...seem hauntingly familiar.





	1. Endless White

White.

 

Again.

 

“Not surprising…” I mutter while slowly getting up from bed, the wounds on my arm and neck aching. My eyes groggily adjust to the bright lighting in the room. It’s 5 a.m. in the morning.

 

“Why do I keep waking up so early…?” I softly wonder to myself. Taking my time, I get up from bed and proceed to the exit, intending to head to the roof. Everytime I unexpectedly wake up this early, I find myself seeking solace in a place I know not many people venture to in the hospital. My body is still in a fragile state unfortunately, so it takes me an inordinate amount of time to get there. I lean on the walls for support.

 

After what seems like forever, I finally make it to the roof, only to find a blonde young boy who got here before me. He turns to look at me in surprise, most likely suspecting no one else to be up here either. I cringe as my arm throbs under the loose bandages wound together clumsily. He notices and immediately goes over to help me, but before he can I stand up straight, ignoring the pain and soreness throughout my body to strain a smile in his direction. I place my good arm in front of me to stop his worried hands from touching me.

 

“Miss, are you alright? I can help you sit down for a bit!” he offered, arms flailing a bit. I shoot him another strained smile, hand waving his concerns away.

 

“I’m fine, just a bit tired.” My throat forces out weakly. His eyes wander down to my neck, noting the bandages. Now without the support of any walls, I do my best to make it to a nearby bench to sit on, passing by the young boy and now regretting coming out at all. _First the painful journey up here to be alone, then a person shows up? My day’s not looking good so far._

 

I feel him following me closely, arms hovering around me in case I fall. I let him do as he pleases, too worn out to protest. I finally make it to the bench and sigh in relief as I sit down, smoothing the creases of my gown. He unfortunately sits across from me. My eyes close a bit as I adjust to my new setting, trying to ignore the presence in front of me. I feel the cold wind softly brushing my hair and skin, enjoying the silence as I breathe out another sigh. I open my eyes at a slow pace, to see the man across from me staring at me with his mouth slightly open, eyes in a trance. He notices me catching him and his eyes widen, looking away frantically as he flails a bit more. I pay him no attention and look to the flower beds.

 

“Um...miss? A-are you okay?” he asks with slight hesitation. I give a small nod, not looking away from the flowers. _Sunflowers._ A flash of pink flutters in my memory which I clamp down on as soon as it appears. My uninterested state only spurred him to create more conversation it seemed.

 

“So, what are you doing out here so early in the morning?” he questions awkwardly. My eyes flicker to his for a moment before looking back at the fresh sunflowers.

 

“Can’t sleep.” I answer shortly, throat stretching to articulate. His eyes light up a bit, most likely in finding something to latch onto for conversation.

 

“Wow, really? I was actually having some trouble sleeping myself! You see, my cousin’s in hospital for an appendectomy. Removing the appendix you know? She’s always so scared of every little thing, so she made me stay here with her as much as she could! But you know, sleeping in a hospital so often doesn’t exactly do wonders for the back…” he goes on, trying to create some sort of mutual communication with me. I find myself slightly irked, as I can’t remove myself from this without the slow agony of having to return to my room. He doesn’t notice my unresponsive state until a minute later, smile and speech suddenly halting. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to rattle on to you about myself! Rin’s always catching me when I ramble off but it seems old habits die hard...! I haven’t even given you a chance to speak and-”

 

“It’s fine.” I cut him off, giving him a calming smile. His mouth closes as he looks at me. I rest my head on my good arm, which is placed as comfortable as it can be on the arm rest. He looks down his lap for a moment, fiddling with fingers a bit before relaxing. His cerulean eyes look back up at me, more serene than before.

 

“Why are you at this hospital then, miss? If you don’t mind me asking?” I tense up at his questions, face becoming cold. Flashes of silver glinting in dim lighting, red soaking into black, and a pink cellphone clattering to the ground invade my senses before I can stop them. My heart starts hammering in my chest. I will myself to calm down in front of this stranger.

 

“I was injured, so I was put in a hospital for treatment.” _Obviously._ The explanation is weak, even to my own ears. His eyebrows furrow for the same reason. _I hope he takes a hint._

 

He doesn’t.

 

“Yes but why?” I abruptly stand up at his incessant questioning. He looks up in surprise.

 

“I’m going back to my room.” I mutter, not caring if he heard it or not. I shakily but hurriedly made my way to the door, as my heart started beating rapidly again. He immediately gets up to assist me, and before I can reject his aid once more, I find myself falling to the ground. Before I can even blink, the young boy catches my waist. I wince as he makes contact with my injured arm. He notices and hurriedly lets it go, though still supporting my waist and other arm. I breathe in and out as I kneel to the ground slowly.

 

“I’ll go call a nurse, hold on-” I grab his arm before he can get up and look at him, fingers shaking a bit. He looks into my eyes.

 

“No, I’m fine. I’m fine.” I wheeze out as steadily as possible.

 

“You don’t look fine, you need a nurse here-” I tug on his sleeve and look into his eyes, silently pleading for him not to. _They’ll make a big deal about me being out of bed and hook me up, maybe feed me some sort of unidentifiable medication._ _I’m tired of it. Tired of all of it._ He sighs.

 

“At least let me help you to your room. _Please_.” He tightens his hold on my hand, but not enough to hurt me. Enough to communicate his worry. _Doesn’t look like he’ll give up on this._ Inwardly I sigh as I nod in confirmation. His brow relaxes slightly as he nods back, one arm hooked to my waist and back, the other over his neck. He gives me a soft smile to reassure me a bit. My shoulders relax in his hold.

 

Admittedly, the way back was less excruciating. Although the boy helping me kept making a fuss, shooting me worried glances here and there, constantly needing reminders if I was alright, to my annoyance. _Oh well, guess he’s just this type of person. Fussy._ I pointed out my room, and finally sat down on my bed as we entered it. My body relaxed.

 

“Are you going to be alright, Hatsune-san?” I looked up in slight confusion as to how he knew my name, and he smiled. “Hatsune. Hatsune Miku. That’s what was written on your room door right?” My expression returned to neutral as I nodded in confirmation. I look out the window for a moment before I noticed his gaze on me, more intense and wondering than before. Like I was a puzzle he was trying to solve. I tried not to squirm in place.

 

He realized his behavior and flailed a bit, cheeks slightly red in embarrassment at being caught yet again. “W-well! I should be going now. You seem worn out from all this activity, so mest up!” His face heated as he frantically tried to find more words to jumble out. “I mean _rest_ up!” He spat out with great difficulty. I just kept looking at him, face expressionless at the outburst. This seemed to help him calm himself for a moment.

 

“Anyways Hatsune-san, I hope you won’t overexert yourself by going to the roof without any assistance again.” _I make no promises._ He coughed into his hand, apparently still embarrassed about his fumble from earlier. Finally, he made his way to the door, dress shoes clicking against the tile floors. Before he made his way fully out the door, he turned to me once again.

 

“Hatsune-san?” I turn to acknowledge him one last time before his existence is out of my life for good. He smiled gently. “My name’s Len by the way. Kagamine Len.” He gave a short wave before disappearing into the blank halls. I turn back to the window, the sunlight slowly seeping into the deep blue of the sky.

 

_Len, huh? Hopefully we don’t meet again. For your sake, and mine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I've loved this series for a long time so I wanted to write some good fic for it! The emotions in these songs stuck with me for years, so I finally splurged my feelings into my writing. Hopefully it was good enough. :D


	2. The Beginning of the End

_ “Kaito!” I call out lovingly, skipping towards his tall figure. I wrap my arms around his one arm tightly, snuggling my cheeks against it. Kaito looks down at me and smiles gently, Patting my head. _

 

_ “Hey Miku.” he greets me simply. I smile in absolute adoration.  _ Kaito, Kaito, Kaito!  _ He goes to check his phone. I look up at him curiously. _

 

_ “What’re you looking at Kaito?” I question innocently. He turns to look at me. _

 

_ “I’m texting Luka to ask her when she’ll be arriving.” he answered. My expression falls slightly.  _ Oh yeah. Luka’s coming too.

 

_ “Oh.” _

 

_ “What, Miku? You got a problem with that?” he spat with venom lacing his words. It was so sudden that I was left speechless. Slowly, I let go of his arm in shock. _

 

_ “What? O-of course not Kaito! Why would you say that?” He roughly turned to me, looking down at me with his eyes blazing in disgust and anger, brows knitted together sharply, mouth turned to a deep scowl. I cower under his frightening gaze. _

 

_ “That’s how it started for you isn’t it?” _

 

_ “S-started wh-a-at? I-I don’t understand...” _

 

_ “The loathing. The annoyance. The detachment. The selfishness.” he growled out, clenching his jaw tightly. He roughly pushed me away from him, eyes never leaving mine. I tremble and sweat, feeling vulnerable and exposed. I reach my hand out to grab his, for some kind of dependence, for confirmation that this was all just a joke or misunderstanding, for anything he would offer me... _

 

_ “K-Kaito, I have no idea what you’re t-talking about, o-okay? Let’s just wait for Luka and…” Suddenly his eyes lit up, smile returning but looking directly through me. He ran past me, waving to whoever just appeared. _

 

_ “Luka!” _

 

_ Luka looked up from the ground before a bright smile lit up her features. I witness Kaito finally arriving next to her, wearing that same gentle smile he was directing at me just moments ago. _

 

_ “Kaito!” she exclaims enthusiastically, color seeping into her cheeks a bit. Both turn away from me to walk the opposite direction. I desperately try to run after them, but my body won’t move, so I yell for them as loudly as my throat would allow, but no sound ever came out. They were drifting away. Farther, farther, farther away from me. I could only make out their vague silhouettes now. _

 

_ “Kaito! Luka! Wait for me! Please! Please! Please don’t go! I’m so sorry! I’m sorry, so please...don’t leave me…” I sobbed aimlessly, not knowing if anyone would even hear my cries. _

 

_ “I broke our promise…” _

 

* * *

 

I gasped, injecting myself back to reality as I stared wide eyed at the familiar white hospital ceiling. I could feel myself shaking uncontrollably, along with the cold sweat that broke out in my sleep. My eyes looked around frantically before I clutched my head in pain. I could feel the headache steadily seeping into my awoken body. My hand clutches the gown in front of my chest tightly, trying to calm myself, trying to grasp onto anything that would give me some balance, some kind of stability. I will myself to slowly breathe in and out.

 

_ In, out. In, out. _

 

I repeated the mantra again and again for the nth time. Hesitantly, I peek out from under my eyelids, head slowly looking at the clock. It was 5am again. I breathe out a shaky sigh, running my now only slightly trembling hands through my thick locks. 

 

_ Another nightmare. _

 

I looked around the hospital room pointlessly, if only to find something to get my mind off of what just happened.  _ I don’t want to go back to sleep...only to return to that… _

 

“To the roof then…?” Flashes of gold and bright blue paint my memory, accompanied by a gentle smile. I pause.  _ He wouldn’t be there again…right…?  _ With only the focus of getting out of this constricting room, I head for the roof, somehow managing to walk even with my headache. It took me an even longer period of time to arrive than yesterday. My one hand struggled to open the heavy metal door as I leaned into it with my body weight.

 

Though, it appears I didn’t need to open it myself after all.

 

The door opens unexpectedly as I yelp, sending me flying into the chest of whoever it happens to be.

 

_ Oh lord it better not be- _

 

“Hatsune-san!” the boy greeted in surprise as he wrapped his arms around me. I looked up at him, trying to adjust myself back into an appropriate position. He seemed to notice my state as well and scrambled to help me up, cheeks heating up in embarrassment. He gently took hold of my good arm as I stood back up.

 

“Thank you.” I uttered softly.  _ Although I would’ve been fine if you weren’t here in the first place.  _ He smiled shyly, unaware of my inner musings. He rubbed the back of his neck, still slightly flustered at the situation. I nodded and headed to the same bench as before, which he automatically helped me get to, to my exasperation. I sit down as he sits across from me yet again. Looking up, I find myself observing his features more closely.

 

Blonde hair, pulled into a short, messy ponytail. Surprisingly sharp, bright blue eyes, pale skin, a youthful face. From what I remember he was about the same height as me.  _ Same age? From his behavior I assume he’s younger…  _ I stop myself from delving any further.  _ It doesn’t matter anyway…  _ I notice him fidgeting in his seat, eyes looking anywhere but me, lips held a bit tightly. Cheeks once again tinted red. I look away from him, understanding that it was  _ my  _ gaze that made  _ him _ squirm this time. My eyes land on a different flower bed this time.  _ Daisies.  _ I adjust myself to the same position as yesterday, head resting on my hand as my eyes close. I tucked a loose hair behind my ear, though not really minding the feeling as the fresh air and wind calmed my nerves and allowed me some moments of peace. I listen to the soft fluttering of the flowers tussling around each other, petals dancing, drowning out the sounds of the city far below. The muscles of my face start to relax, adapting to the serene setting.

 

“Woah…” My eyes open to look at the boy across from me whose baby blues positively sparkle at me, mouth slightly open and ears rosy. 

 

“What?” I mutter, annoyed that my moment of peace was interrupted once again. His face fully heats up to my utter confusion, and he runs his hand through his messy bangs in an attempt to grab onto any semblance of reality, as if he had just come out of a dream. I looked at him pointedly, trying to get an explanation as to why my moment of peace was interrupted with a  _ “woah”. _

 

“It’s just uh… well I...uh…” he stuttered out, as his vocabulary has once again decided to leave him in the dust. I look away from him and back at the daisies, too numb to concern myself with another jumbling sentence that would spew out of his mouth.  _ Give the kid a break. Although I don’t even know what I did in the first place to make him need one. _ His thought process was clear as day, as his expression was showing that he was thinking of something, anything to say to me. Just as quickly as he thought of an idea, his brows furrow as well.

 

“Wait, Hatsune-san. Didn’t I tell you not to come up here again without assistance? You know your body can’t handle strenuous activity like that.” he huffed.  _ Since when do  _ you _ know about the do’s and don’ts of my health and wellbeing?  _ I silently questioned.

 

“I needed to come out here. Just for a bit. Alone.”  _ Which I would have been if you weren't here, again.  _ I look past the fence of the roof into the horizon, taking the colors in.

 

“I guess we all need alone time, huh?” he spoke lightly, though I could tell me coming here alone still worried him. My gaze didn’t leave the horizon. I realized my mind wasn’t in a jumbled, depressed mess anymore. At least not to the extent of the last few minutes just now. The panic settled, thankfully. I nodded carefully. A moment of silence passed before he asked, “Hatsune-san, do you have any interests?” I gave him a blank look.

 

“What?”

 

“Do you have any interests? Hobbies?” he questioned happily.  _ What is this? Twenty Questions? Have I given any indication to this guy that I was interested in small talk?  _ I inwardly sigh for the nth time.  _ Confrontation is tiring. Guess I’ll go along with this. Wouldn’t hurt to keep my mind off certain things. _

 

“...music. I like singing and piano.” he smiled so widely and brightly I thought the sun itself was sent to burn my eyeballs off.  _ Who even is this kid? _

 

“Oh wow! Me too! I love singing. Instrument wise though, I’m better suited to guitar, but piano is a close second.” he makes a motion with his fingers to imitate guitar and piano playing, innocently strumming his fingers to an imaginary tune. My eyes soften, and I reminisce a bit.

 

_ It was a Sunday evening, and I was home alone. Mother and Father were out doing God knows what but, I didn’t care. It was just me, my keyboard, and the sunlight that peeked through my window curtains. My fingers naturally made their way to the keys, and hovered over them just enough not to make contact. I took a breath, and started playing. _

 

_ It was a soft melody that matched the tranquil atmosphere of the sunset that quietly descended into night. I let my fingers glide their way through the keys, not interested in playing any specific song, just… playing in the moment. I started to hum along to the tune, which I slowly realized became a lullaby of sorts.  _ Perhaps I was sleepy? Who knows, I can’t remember. _ My heart relaxes as I let my mind go, emotions only there to fuel the melody now. _

 

_ Music always did help me calm down. When there was so much going on around me, muddling my head with stress or when the pressure was just too much, I would always turn to music to forget about it all, only focusing on what I was creating in the present. I loved it because it was mine. No one else had a say in it but me. I, myself wasn’t mine, in a way. Like a puppet, I was pulled by strings all around me. Before I was me, I was first an obedient daughter, a bright student, a naive child, a blossoming young adult, a bothersome burden… It was never my choice to be any of these… _

 

_ Though I suppose there was one thing I chose to be… a friend. _

 

I snap back into the present, shaking my head.  _ Why are you remembering that now? What good will music do you, huh?  _ I frown, grimacing as I look towards the ground.  _ Music can’t save you now… _

 

“You’ve got that sad look on your face again.” My teal orbs jerk to look into the eyes of the boy across from me. I blinked at him, surprised at his direct statement. His eyes look straight into mine, and that piercing, all-knowing look is back. The crystal blue in his eyes become solid and assure, his gaze searching for something. I continue looking at him, still taken aback by his serious expression. “I thought you would be a bit happier, talking about something you love.” he spoke gently, lips tilted upwards slightly as his gaze became soft. My head quickly turns to the side, nervous, though I try not to show it.  _ Such warmth being directed towards me… what did I do to warrant it? I don’t deserve it. I don’t want it. _

 

“What do you want me to say to that?” I ask bluntly, composing myself enough to look at him again. He chuckles lowly, eyes shining in my direction. Once again, I am taken aback by his positive reaction.  _ Does nothing I say faze him even a bit? _

 

“You’re right Hatsune-san, I guess I’m too direct to a fault, huh?” he laughs again, eyes closing in joy. I tilted my head to the side, just dumbfounded at this point. One of his eyes peek out from under his eyelid to see me staring at him, and he freezes. Instantly, he fixes his posture to stiffly sit upright and going silent, a fresh blush making its way up his cheeks. My eyebrow quirks up slightly in curiosity.  _ First it’s direct to a fault then fumbled, embarrassed shyness? _

 

“What does it matter to you if I’m happy? You don’t know me.” I reason, feeling a bit more confident and put together. Those clear cerulean orbs stare back into me, and I feel my confidence waver at his gaze once again. I guard myself, trying not to let it faze me. His head tilts in confusion this time.

 

“I don’t need to know you to want you to be happy. I know I don’t want you sad, that’s for sure.” he answers honestly. I blink a few times, feeling a bit owlish at this point.  _ Another direct answer.  _

 

“Do you always wish for the best for strangers?” I retort.

 

“If they aren’t jerks, then sure.” he counters. I stay silent for a few moments.  _ I see. _

 

“Then you really don’t want to wish for my happiness, Kagamine-san.” his head perks up in surprise at hearing his name come out of my mouth for the first time. I lock my gaze onto the exit and sigh once again as I prepare to get up. He quickly hurries over to help me but I stop and look him directly in his eyes, my gaze piercing into his own. He froze, face transfixed onto mine. “The next time you see me, if you see me at all, ignore me. Pretend I don’t exist. And keep it that way.” I tell him coldly before I usher myself to the exit. His eyes are shocked and confused, body still without motion as I turned away from him. He doesn’t follow me this time.

 

I manage to make my way back to my room in a daze, and sit on my bed once more. My body realized it's been injected into the cold setting of the endlessly white hospital room again and drooped. I find myself looking out the window for the nth time since coming here. The sun is about to come up. My limbs go limp at my sides while my legs dangle carelessly from the bed. Silence consumes me once more as I feel my senses lose focus on my surroundings.

 

_ It’s deafening. _

 

_ And yet, it is nothing.  _

 

_ I’m back again. _

 

_ Back to nothing. _

 

My head slumps as I feel tears gliding down my cheeks, though I have no idea why. I try to wipe them away with my bed sheets but wince, as my wounded left arm cries out in pain. I cradle it tenderly, the silver ring on my right hand gleaming in the sunlight. The tears don’t stop flowing and I close my eyes tightly, failing to stop them from falling. I clutch my arm roughly. The pain spikes up, nails brutally digging into my skin, with only the loose bandages acting as a barrier from direct contact. There might be new wounds now, I can’t really tell. I block out everything around me, my mind slowly slipping away from me as different thoughts and emotions collided with one another, creating a noisy, cluttered symphony in my throbbing head, threatening to pop open.

 

_ I deserve this! _

 

_ What have I done? _

 

_ How did things turn out like this? _

 

_ Why won’t the pain go away? _

 

_ I need the pain! It’s all I have now... _

 

_ How could I do that to them? _

 

_ What’s wrong with me? _

 

_ I’m going crazy. I am crazy. _

 

_ I have no one. _

 

_ Not anymore. _

 

_ Never again. _

 

I can faintly feel a liquid situating itself under my nails, realizing that it’s fresh blood oozing out from under my bandages. Brightly contrasting red soaks through the pristine white. Slowly, I let go of my abused arm, nails showing resistance while clinging onto my bruised skin. I look down at it for a few moments. 

 

It’s messy.

 

Bloody.

 

Ripped.

 

Broken.

 

I look back towards the rising sun, letting in a new day. The tears still don’t stop flowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Woah! That chapter was a wild ride to write! Anyways, I hope I got the emotions of everyone right, and that it wasn’t too weird. Stay tuned for the next chapter!


End file.
